HERE ARE THE FUNNY STATUS AND QUOTES THAT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH AND WILL REFRESH YOUR MOOD AND YOU WILL FEEL RELAXED, CALM, AND HAPPY.
SO ALWAYS BE HAPPY AND START YOUR DAY WILL FRESHNESS.
1. IF money grew on trees, then girls would be dating monkeys.
2. I may be fat, but u’re ugly – I can lose weight.
3. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
4. When I was Born DEVIL said ohh shitt, competition.
5. My Boss Told Me To Have A Good Day So I Went Home.
6. Happiness is when ‘Last seen at’ changes to ‘Online’ and then to ‘Typing’.
7. Me: Did you get a haircut? Dad: No, I got them all cut.
8. I love my job only when I am on Holiday.
9. Fact: Ph. on silent mode- 10 Missed call. Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day.
10. When your phone are 1% battery & anyone who sends a message, Or calling, my phone Becomes the enemy .
11. Attitude is like a underwear Don’t show it just wore it.
12. Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
13. You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
14. I love my six packs so much; I protect it with a layer of fat.
15. I’m cool but global warming made me vry hot.
16. I just need a good Wifi & Wife.
17. You can never buy LUV But still U have to pay for it.
18. I want someone to give me a Loan & then leave me Alone.
19. God is really creative, I mean just look at me every time.
21. All the Rules are made to be break. So break the rules and enjoy the life.
22. I only need three things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep.
23. If you message me and I don’t message you back, it’s because I fainted from happiness.
24. Scratch here to see my status.
25. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
26. God is really creative , i mean just look at me.
27. One person’s LOL is another’s WTF.
28. Mosquitoes are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
29. I’m not actually funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
30. I’m not fat, I’m fluffy.
31. People that Change Love status after 30 Sec GF is the Reason.
32. You drink too much and gossip too much. Let’s be friends.
33. High Power Come ,with High voltage Current.
34. All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
35. Excuse me Please empty ur pockets I think U stole my heart.
36. Try to say the letter M without ur lips touching.
37. Brain is the best worker, When you can use it.
38. Oops… I used WhatsApp again!
39. I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.
40. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
41. Being weird is the side effect of awesomeness.
42. I haven’t failed, my success is just postponed until later.
43. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
44. Girls use Photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use Photoshop to show their creativity.
45. I Wonder What Happen’s When Doctor’s Wife Eats An Apple A Day.
46. I’m not avoiding work. I’m just on battery saver mode.
47. I love that our effortless friendship matches my inability to answer messages on time.
48. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
49. Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.
50. My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
51. I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.
52. I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
53. If people are talking behind your back, that’s a good time to fart.
54. Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
55. Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
56. A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
57.I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
58. Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
59. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
60.“Employee of the Month” is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
61. Hey, I’ll be back in five minutes. If I’m not, just read this message again.
62. My girlfriend keeps stealing my sweatshirts, and I keep replacing them. We now have 450 sweatshirts, and they’re all in her closet.
63. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
64. Of course I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice.
65. The police called to say one of my friends escaped from a mental hospital. Which one of you crazies got out and where should I pick you up?
66. Hey there! You are using WhatsApp.
67. Be smarter than your smartphone.
68. If you’re still looking for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror.
69. My girlfriend and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
70. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
71. I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.
72. I’m naturally funny because my whole life is a joke.
73. I am not perfect, but I am a limited edition.
74. Hey there! WhatsApp is using me.
75. Fair warning: I know karate. …and some other words.
76. True friendship: Walking into a person’s house and having your Wi-Fi connect automatically.
77. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
78. We aren’t friends until we start insulting each other on a daily basis.
79. They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
80. I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.
81. Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.
82. If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple of car payments.
83. Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
85. What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
86. Status unavailable. Please reload and try again.
87. She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
88. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
89. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eyes.
90. I salute all my haters with my middle finger.
91. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
92. I see that you’re online. I am online too. Wanna, like, chat?
93. I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
93. If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
94. Never laugh at your partner’s choices… You’re one of them.
95. I was going to take over the world this morning, but I overslept.
96. “I’m going to bed” really means… “I’m going to lie in my bed and look at my phone.”
97. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
98. I like dating older people because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments. Which means they’re ready for me.
99. Sleep is my drug… my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
100. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
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